Funny things to say in online dating profile kenny baumann and shailene woodley dating

And if you're thinking you're all high and mighty because you're not single and don't need this, well, goody goody gumdrops for you, but be a saint and share this shit with your single friends. Ten things to do when you’re creating an online dating profile: 1. Yeah, I know they say you’re supposed to be completely honest and crap but that’s bullshit. If I were completely truthful, I would have written: “I like cats, TLC marathons, The Bachelorette, eating Hershey’s syrup straight out of the bottle, putting on my fat pants the second I get home, and meat, sports and beer.” 2.

So yeah, I'm an F'ing expert on this subject and I'd be an a-hole not to share my brilliant wisdom with you.

" my daughter hasn't been horse riding for donkeys."so what unintentional funny thing have you or one of your friends said recently, that had your other mates laughing?

I've worked with lots of Welsh people and I've heard them say 'now in a minute' loads of times, always made me laugh.

Not only does this make it seem like you haven’t let go of some hefty emotional baggage, it also puts too much pressure on your next relationship.

No one likes being the rebound or entering into the drama of a recent ex.

It very rarely works in real life but having it on your profile can be worse.

Plus, they don’t offer much insight into who you are as a person. That’s not to say that they aren’t all these things but living up to all the expectations set by someone else is never fun.

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welcome to the, "i'm the same as every other woman on this dating site" club.

Until I did that whole online dating thing and met my totally awesome, badass, studmuffin hubby there.

I mean when I met my hubby online, here’s what I wrote to him: “I like meat, sports and beer.” A. If you’re a woman, post a picture of yourself with a dog.

I keep waiting for the red squiggly line to appear under it) and I’m like, uhhhh, no, let’s go see a NORMAL movie, and you’re like but I thought you said you like movies, and I’m like yeah but not THAT kind. It’s just gonna make me think you’re a pretentious prick with a prick the size of a cocktail weenie. And while we’re on the subject, don’t post a picture of yourself with your cat. Embrace your body, look self-confident, and they will come. I think if this jackass is in too much of a hurry to type two extra letters, maybe he does EVERYTHING too quickly.

So anyways, instead of writing stuff like I love walking on the beach and going on vacations and seeing movies, try something more specific like I like subtitled films that are boring as shit, walking on nude beaches and visiting huts in Africa that don’t have TVs. If you’re a woman, you’ll look like a crazy cat lady. Or if you’re not ready for that, just photoshop your head onto Halle Berry’s body and post that shit. Sure, you can use a selfie, (and read this part carefully) AS LONG AS NO ONE CAN TELL IT’S A SELFIE.

Funny things to say in online dating profile